A Newly Single.

If any of you know me, I am quite an independant personality. I know where I want to be and what I want to do. But men are like consuming easter eggs - you dont necessarily want them but you feel like it's expected of you. At the ripe old age of just 17 - I decided men weren't for me. Women weren't either - I had merely decided I wouldn't let myself down but there was a large likelihood that if I let someone else in - they would.


Most people say "you're too young to know what you want", and they couldn't have been futher from the truth. I've known exactly what I want for as long as I can remember, it's just getting there thats the problem. Since I realised what fashion was, I have wanted to be a part of that closely knit but backstabbing circle - God knows why sometimes. But I have never known any of my peers being so set on what they want to do with their life at such a young age - so I knew people were wrong to doubt my ability or motivation merely because of something which is afterall, just a number. 


But my personal life has always been something that I struggle with. Like the credit on my Topshop card - it's there to play with and seems fun at first, but a few years down the line and all it feels like is a burden. When I first got my Topshop card I have to say I went a little mad - and it was naive of me to think I was ever going to pay the whole lot of next pay day. Next pay day turned into next year, and anther year has gone by since then. They lure you in with talk of grandure, but when you get round to reading the small print - way after you signed on the dotted line - you realise what you've got yourself in to.


Perhaps I'm making my relationship sound worse than it is. I never believed in the "honey moon period" but unfortunately it has slapped me in the face recently, and I think its a hurdle that may just be that inch too tall for my stubby legs to cope with. 


 I have realised that being in a long term relationship is much like a badly stocked charity shop - it feels like you're seeing the same old rubbish time and time again, and every so often finding that little gem inbetween it all. This is what happened to us - we simply had the same routine every week, then every so often we'd have a brilliant time in each others company which would give us hope for the future. 


I wish we had more in common, and shared interests and could have deep and meaningful conversations all the time. For me this would be the retail climate, new designers and what colours are going to be big this fall. For him, it would be Jenson Buttons pit stop, what bets he's had this weekend and how many weights he lifted at the gym. Do opposites really attract? 


If not, theres plenty more fish in the sea I guess.





2 comments:

  1. Big hugs to you. I am always in Manchester for coffee, cocktails and hugs, if and when required.
    X

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  2. Thanks Sarah darlin, means a lot!! Gonna treat it as a learning curve and try and keep myself busy!!
    xx

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